Aug 30, 2011

Is there truth to an old Cliche?

We have all heard it at some point in our life.
"It is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all."
But is this always true? To some who have found real love, spent time with their loved one, and then lost them to time this may be a true statement. However, what about those who have loved and lost but the loss was not from a long time spent enjoying the comfort of someone who loved or perhaps did not love them?
Time and time again I have heard the tragic stories of others who have fallen in love with another person only to have a short time tell that they fell in love with someone who could never love them.
In other words, two people meet but only one falls in love.
I have experienced this. I had once met the person I thought I could call my soul mate. Destined to be together. After about a year and a half I came to find the person I fell in love with was not the person I had standing in front me. The person I loved had turned out to be a long drawn out lie by someone who was such a good story teller they had me believing and hanging on their every word. Even after the lies came out, I held onto this make believe person I thought I knew but what I held onto was only a dream and a story that ended in my own demise.

Before I use to believe this cliche, "Tis better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all." Now I'm left having been in love, having thought I found the one person I could have dedicated my everything to... now alone, back in the single life, and believing that perhaps it would have been better to have never known real love then to have lost it.
The demise caused from such heart break, the hurt, the haunting memories leaves one to wonder if they could ever love again. To have such deep emotions and willingness to give someone so much devotion and dedication as you once had ... there is a fear of the same trap awaiting you once you give in.


  1. When you meet that person who TRULY IS your soulmate, you will not have that fear!! Young love is SO different than TRUE love, and although you had to go through such a terrible ordeal, it has made your stronger as a person. When you stop looking for it, love will find you when God knows the time is right and he will send your mate!!

  2. I have never thought about it before. My world would completely fall apapart if I was to lose the love of my life. Just thinking about it about puts me to tears.

  3. Amber - That is how you know you are truly in love with another. Love does not come easy but when you are in love you would literally do anything for that person. I was blind to everything else. So consumed with the love I had that when it was gone I felt I lost a part of me. Broken and shattered.

  4. To Anonymous - I can only hope and try to believe one day my true soul mate will find me and truly love me. The love I had was not young love, it was true love for this person. The problem was this person did not truly love me and I chose to ignore the signs that the words coming out of their mouth were not the same as the actions they made. Yes, what I have experienced has made me a stronger person and taught me some of the most difficult lessons. This is true. But to have lost love... I would have preferred to have never loved at all and skipped the heartache that subsided.

  5. Perhaps what you loved was a lie or an image of the person that you had made in your own mind of who that person was and is. Sometimes we can be so in love with being in love. It's possible to want to be in love and to have someone love back that we choose to ignore the negative aspects of a person and instead fill those with fantasy. In doing this you are not really happy in the relationship but stay just for someone to love you.

  6. That is food for thought. Not to say I havent wondered the same, if it was all in my head and I was living my own make believe fairy tale. There are many complications to my past love story to explain to even those who were involved in my life daily during its play out. But what you say is true. It is possible to want to be in love and to have someone love back which leads us to choose to ignore the neg. aspects and instead fill those with our own fantasy. This is where many of those (including myself) who were in abusive situations and found themselves trapped. Beat down so much, left wishing and hoping that the "good" we saw in the other person would return and the nightmare we had entered would disappear. When you are in an abusive realtionship, you become so torn down that the other person has a control over you, whether they realize it or not. You then become trapped feeling as though you are 'stuck' with this person because no one else could ever love you and you cant find anything better.
    This is a whole other topic really. Abuse that traps you.
    I know I truly loved at one point and lost my love not through normal death, but death of identity and truth.